I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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