So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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