I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
