mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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