I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
