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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize