i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
please come you make the beer taste better
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
