i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize