Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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