Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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