Fine. I'll sleep in my office
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize