Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
