scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
