Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize