none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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