when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
