Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
