there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
