I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
