Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
