Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
