oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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