dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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