All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
