i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
