Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
