If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
