all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
