Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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