I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
