If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
