I've blown a few things in my day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
