Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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