We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
