I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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