i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
