Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
