I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize