Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
