I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
