those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You ruined the universe
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
