She's JV to your varsity
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
