so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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