Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you have to choose: penises or morals?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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