I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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