Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
