Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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