What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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