ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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