We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
