I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
