God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
