you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
