its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her vagine was all disorganized.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
