he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
