Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
