he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize