At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
