It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't deserve a penis
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ladies don't puke and tell
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
