Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
