I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
