Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
