they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
