perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
