i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So much rum. So many feels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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