i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
