We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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