Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can Purell be used as lube?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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