That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
