It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
