i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
