And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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