I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize