My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
