he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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