Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
