I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
