This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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