This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
