this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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