I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
