what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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