My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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