i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize