I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
