You smell like stripper and shame
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
