He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
