either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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