Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
