i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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