I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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