You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
