I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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